A Lesson Learned from Years of Seeing the Same Mistake
In my years of working with families on estate planning, I’ve seen one mistake repeat itself more times than I can count: naming the wrong person to be in charge.
One particular family stands out.
Their father was a thoughtful man who had worked hard his whole life. He didn’t leave millions of dollars, but what he left mattered deeply to his children — and to him, keeping things “fair” was just as important as the money itself.
When it came time to name his trustee, he did what so many parents do:
He chose his oldest child.
“She’s responsible,” he told me. “She’s always been the one to take charge.”
He had the best intentions. But after his passing, it quickly became clear that his choice wasn’t right for the job.
When Good Intentions Go Wrong
His daughter was a good person. But she lived out of state.
She dreaded dealing with financial paperwork and had no interest in learning the details.
Most importantly, she wasn’t great at communicating with her siblings — which became a bigger problem than anyone expected.
Within weeks, the siblings began to grow frustrated.
Simple questions went unanswered.
Documents sat on her desk for weeks.
Suspicion started to creep in, even though nothing inappropriate was happening.
By the time the family agreed to bring in a professional trustee to take over, the damage had already been done.
Relationships between the siblings were strained, and the trust that once held them together was gone.
What Their Father Didn’t Realize
This father believed he was keeping things “in the family” to make life easier for his kids.
But a trustee’s role isn’t just a title — it’s a responsibility. It requires organization, communication, and emotional steadiness.
It’s not about who’s the oldest, or who lives closest, or who you think “deserves” it.
It’s about who can get the job done in a way that avoids unnecessary conflict.
The Lesson for Your Family
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from families like this one, it’s that choosing the right person is just as important as writing the right plan.
Your trustee, executor, and powers of attorney hold your family’s future in their hands. They’re the ones who will carry out your wishes, manage the paperwork, and make the calls when you can’t.
A poor choice can unravel even the best-written plan.
The right choice can keep your family together when they need each other the most.
Want help making sure you’ve picked the right people?
Our free Selecting Your Trustee guide walks you through what qualities to look for, what red flags to avoid, and how to make sure your estate plan isn’t just written — it’s set up to work.