Lately I’ve been reflecting on how fortunate I am. Through much of the year, though, I realize I’m not always as mindful or appreciative as I should be. I suspect many of us fall short in that way—whether we credit our blessings to personal effort, good fortune, or divine providence.
I’ve also been thinking about how gratitude and happiness are often linked. Several studies and articles try to identify what makes people truly happy. Is it money? Status? Family? Some mix of those?
Dan Sullivan, founder of the Strategic Coach® program, suggests that happiness, at its core, comes down to four key freedoms: time, money, relationships, and purpose. Each freedom has two sides: the freedom to and the freedom from.
Let’s start with money. While money doesn’t guarantee happiness, the freedom to use our financial resources as we see fit—to travel, support loved ones, or give to causes we care about—removes a great deal of stress. Just as important is the freedom from financial worry or dependence, which can erode confidence and peace of mind.
The second is time. In many ways, time is even more valuable than money. Most of us aspire to the freedom to spend our time however we choose, and the freedom from obligations that no longer serve us. Whether that means no longer working the traditional 9-to-5 or being able to take a grandchild to lunch on a Tuesday, how we use time becomes more meaningful as we age.
Then there’s the freedom of relationships. We all want the freedom to spend time with people who uplift, support, and energize us—whether they’re coworkers, friends, or family. Equally vital is the freedom from toxic or unproductive relationships that drain our energy or create stress. I’ve always found it puzzling when people have the ability to make a change but stay in unhealthy dynamics—professional or personal—out of habit or fear.
Many of our strongest relationships also require the other freedoms: money to visit a faraway friend or grown child, time to show up for someone who matters.
Finally, there’s the freedom of purpose. We all want to know our lives matter—that we made a difference. That purpose might come from raising a family, building a business, mentoring others, or supporting causes that align with our values. When we lose a sense of purpose, it can feel as if something essential is missing.
Years ago, I participated in an exercise that helped clarify this for me. I was asked to assume I had only one year to live, in good health, and to write down what I’d do, where I’d go, and whom I’d want to spend that time with. After finishing the list, the moderator asked: “How many of these things are you doing now?”
“Not many,” I admitted.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t have the time or the money,” I said.
“But could you do one or two of them this year?”
“Yes.”
“And some more the next?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s really stopping you?”
It was a simple but powerful question.
The truth is, most of us have at least some degree of those four freedoms. Often enough to start doing what matters most, even if not perfectly or all at once.
It’s worth checking in with yourself now and then: Am I using my time, my money, my relationships, and my purpose in a way that aligns with what I truly value?
If not, what’s stopping me?