While, in my experience as an estate planning attorney, families rarely fight over inheritance. You might be surprised to learn that when such fights do occur, the conflict isn’t usually over the money or stocks or property.
Rather, it’s the things.
Like Mom’s diamond engagement ring. Dad’s baseball card collection. The ladle Grandma used to cook her soup.
And the reason that these things become so important is that they have a lot of emotion attached to them. As last Sunday was Mother’s Day, I thought that I would share with you something that was given to me a long time ago that illustrates my point.
I was close to my great grandmother, who I affectionately called my “Bubby”. I probably got special treatment – not only because I was her first great grandchild – I was also her only great grandson. My parents had named me after her deceased husband, Charles – and my Hebrew name – Gidalyah – was his. Not only that, but my Bubby and I celebrated our birthdays together as hers was March 5th and mine March 4th.
On New Year’s Eve of 1976, (when I was all of 12 years old) my Bubby babysat my sister and I while my parents went out to celebrate. After my sister went to bed, my Bubby and I sat together on her easy chair to watch Dick Clark ring in the New Year. Shortly after the ball dropped, she reached into her pocketbook – taking out an 1890 Indian Head silver dollar coin.
She went on to explain (in her Germanic-Yiddish accent) its significance. “When I was a very young girl, my father fled to America to escape the pogroms in our native homeland of what was then Austria. He didn’t have enough money to secure passage for my mother and me and had to work several years in his new homeland to earn the money necessary to bring us to New York.”
She told me of her fear that when she got to America, her father wouldn’t recognize her or love her. Her mother told her that was nonsense, of course, but in those days overseas communication (delivery of letters) was difficult and rare. She described seeing the awe-inspiring Statue of Liberty as her ship sailed into Ellis Island, and the fear that during the immigration processing she would be diagnosed with tuberculosis or some other disease and not allowed entry.
Finally, she made it through the ordeal, after which she was reunited with her father, who she described as a large man with a booming laugh and big furry beard. He scooped her up in his arms and gave her this 1890 silver dollar – which was an American coin dating to the year of her birth. Back then – at the turn of the century – a silver dollar was a lot of money, too!
“This silver dollar signifies the riches that America brings us in our new life together!” he exclaimed. My Bubby kept that silver dollar with her every day of her life.
At that moment she handed it to me. “Here, my dear Craig – I want you to have it,” she said. I tried to refuse but she insisted. Later that year my Bubby would die of cancer – none of us knew that she was even sick that New Year’s Eve – and I still think of her daily. She was a sweet, loving and kind woman.
I framed that silver dollar along with a picture of my Bubby and I celebrating one of our birthdays together. Today, more than 48 years later, it hangs in a prominent place in my home, and my children all know its story. In fact, my family purchased a place for her name on a plaque on Ellis Island. It was an emotional moment for me when visiting Ellis Island with my wife and children and telling them this story – and seeing her name there.
While anyone might purchase an 1890 Indian Head silver dollar on the open market for $50 or $60 – it is invaluable to me. It ties me to my heritage – to my ancestors – and symbolizes the struggles, hopes and dreams that they lived and died for. My Bubby’s silver dollar reminds me of the risks that they took – leaving everyone and everything that they ever knew for a land that offered promise – despite the fact that they hadn’t yet learned to speak English – all so that their progeny could thrive.
As far as inheritances go – I’ve never expected to receive much in the realm of money or property from my family. They’re not very wealthy people. But we do have a rich heritage – and I’ve inherited something of far greater value – a piece of my history.